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Should you do it? Should you say it?
What will it take to convince you to live your truth? Certainty? Security? No judgment? Acceptance from others?
image: Pixabay
Seeking hypothetical comforts or exploring infinite contingencies does not lead to action. You can “What if..” yourself until the end of time or you can take a step and experience what happens. See, living authentically is not about what happens, it’s about how you live your why in each moment you get.
Another year…..of reflecting on the last year. Another year….to plan (and hope) to make your life different.
image: Jenna Hamra
Maybe you want to change your health, change your relationship, change your career, or change some kind of behavior. The reality is, it’s not the calendar that can help you achieve that. It’s YOU. Only you. We have been and always will be the one person who holds ourselves back or moves ourselves forward.
Rather than looking at the calendar and choosing a gym, choosing a partner, choosing a new career, or choosing a new lifestyle, look in a mirror, instead, and choose YOU.
One day back in 2006, I was sitting at my desk at work and something just felt off. The whole work-life balance buzz was popping up here and there, and honestly, I didn't even know what that meant. So, I googled it. There were many results. But one jumped out at me. It was an article in Business Week entitled, "Smashing The Clock."
I read it and IT CHANGED MY LIFE! The article was about Best Buy's implementation of the Results-Only Work Environment. What stood out to me was how this approach to work (and life) was grounded in trust. Of course, a mind shift journey of this magnitude can be disruptive, liberating, and transformative. Well, I got it. I felt it. I connected to it and I wanted it!
I began reading and commenting on the ROWE blog - a lot! I had the book, "Why Work Sucks and How To Fix It" mailed to me (it was autographed too!!!!). At the same time, I was requesting a ROWE-like experience where I was employed. It didn't happen. Fast-forward to three years later and I was hired by the co-founders/co-creators of ROWE, Cali Ressler & Jody Thompson, to be a ROWE facilitator as part of a N.I.H. research project studying workplace culture and health. The study lasted for two years. MY LIFE CHANGED AGAIN!!!!
After the study ended, so many things happened with regard to my career path. Over the next seven years, I never lost sight of ROWE and how it changed my like and how I believed it can change the lives of others. I began teaching college psychology with a ROWE mindset. I worked as a return specialist with a ROWE mindset. I was a beertender with a ROWE mindset. In 2017, I was hired as General Manager to manage a craft beer garden, a fitness center, a cafe, and a restaurant (slated to open in 2019). And yes, I still have a ROWE mindset.
That's me with Jody enjoying a layover!
And then....I received some social media messages from Jody Thompson about a possible BIG opportunity. We scheduled a call and I listened. And just like back in 2009, I said, "YES!!!!!" I'm on board as a Master Trainer for CulureRx shifting mindsets and facilitating adaptive change in Canada. Yes. ROWE in Canada!
I'm still a General Manager too. So, the next few months are sure to be fun. I hope you enjoy reading about my journey....
Why do we forget to speak our truth?
Why do we forget to love who we are?
Why do we forget to move towards the passion burning within?
Why do we forget to give ourselves time, space, and attention?
Perhaps fear is the problem? Or uncertainty? Or conditioning? Or we don't feel heard and valued? Maybe we just don't care?
The more you forget about yourself, the more you become someone else.
image: Joe Longo Photography
“If you don’t speak your truth, people will manipulate your voice to serve their agenda. ~ mjb”
image: Joe Longo Photography
We all have those moments when we feel tested. You look inward and take stock of your principles. You connect with your truth and decide, "It's time." Of course, mulling over how others may respond is natural, but it is also fear based. Being fearful is not a unique experience. Engaging fear, moving through fear, and experiencing life after fear is not only courageous, but also authentic.
The above quote came to me during one of those moments. I found myself going back and forth between stepping up or cowering behind inaction. And then I realized, it's not about the response from others that matters. Speaking and living your truth is about valuing who you are, trusting who you are, and accepting who you are. If you don't, people will misconstrue your silence and exploit your inaction for their own benefit.
Your truth is your responsibility. Speak it. Live it.
When love touches you, welcome it. Free yourself from the grip of uncertainty, and drift in a moment of bliss. It's not how long the feeling will last, that's attachment. It's how open you are to experience love's transcending magic.
Love's beautiful duality is what electrifies life. When you receive it, you light up. When you give it, you light up.
However, love is not a force. It will not persuade or convince. It cannot be coerced or compelled. Love goes where it is accepted. Love grows where it is free to flow.
Love is all around. Ready to flow. Waiting to be accepted.
The cycle of indecision is not a process. It's inaction. No progress is made from thinking and talking about something. Only action can produce a change, a result, a deviation.
image: Joe Longo Photography
Become aware of how you may anchor yourself in patterns of "what ifs." This stifles any possibility of experiencing, learning, growing, or healing. Rather than moving with the present moment, one may stagnate in the hypothetical, the unknown, and uncertainty. The practicality of fear blinds you from realizing your strengths and hinders your ability to overcome.
It's not about better or worse. Fast or slow. Painful or easy. It's about truth. It's about living your life in the light. Your life's driving force must not be about the acceptance of others, but instead, something much more powerful and freeing. It must be about embracing the majesty of your own individuality, accepting your truth, and loving yourself through it all.
Living your truth is your life's purpose.
image: Joe Longo Photography
2018 has arrived.
Like most of you, I tend to reflect on the past year and imagine how I'd like this year to be. Reflection is good. Planning is good. However, both distract you from being present. That approach to living may seem simple to some and impractical to others. The truth is, the current moment you find yourself in, is the only one you can affect.
Instead of giving energy to what has happened or to what could be, give all of your attention, love, gratitude, skills and talents to the present. Ground yourself in the now. Recognize the potential available right here, right now.
Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Only today.
I just had a moment of awareness...
It seems like the response to "all politicians are liars" is to dumb down the political process. So, facts and science and proof and intellectual discourse in a "political" context are associated with lies. Actually, they are dismissed as lies (and those who suggest such concepts are also dismissed as liars).
Disregarding critical thought (or mocking it) only produces regression. We then resort to primitive ways of acting.
I know there are people from all walks of life with different backgrounds, ethnicities, genders, educational and career experiences, political and religious affiliations, creative pursuits, dreams and aspirations who know A LOT more than I do. I welcome them into my life. I don't dismiss them or mock them because they are different or know more than I do.
Curiosity to learn about life from others to help uplift humanity is a journey. Of course, it may be challenging but it can be so rewarding. Because you get to know someone and learn something.
Instead of politics, think humanity. Instead of politicians, think people. Instead of differences, think opportunities to learn.
Much love.
The last several months have been…a whirlwind. That seems to be the word I most often come back to.
In that whirlwind, life has been crazy active, super joyous, very gratifying, and intensely inspirational. However, it has also been quite challenging, overwhelming, frustrating, sad, and downright painful.
And through that whirlwind, here I am.
My marriage ended. I moved (albeit next-door to my previous home). Another year of teaching ended. My career path shifted - like BIG! Relationships changed. My family’s resilience was tested. I cried a lot. I questioned my purpose. I questioned positivity and optimism. I was gifted with grace from others. I was blessed to realize I had a great deal to be grateful for.
A few weeks ago, I watched a video about motivation and hesitation. After watching it, I believe my lesson from the whirlwind was revealed. And that lesson is, if my truth matters to me, I need to live it.
I am not suggesting the mistakes I’ve made, the wrongs I’ve done, the people I’ve disappointed were all the result of me not living my truth. I own that I knowingly made bad decisions in my life - probably will make a few more. But I also believe I gave myself time, space, and attention to confront, understand, learn, and grow from them. That will be a forever kind of deal.
Now back to living my truth. I realized I am turning a page, beginning a new chapter in my life. With that, I made a conscious agreement with myself to make healthier decisions in all areas of my life. And I cannot do this without first being truthful with myself and then with others.
Simply put, live truthfully, no matter what.
It’s the “no matter what” part that makes it so tricky. I recognized how I was allowing fear of the unknown to deny myself of my worthiness in the now. It just clicked. I can no longer allow perceived reactions of others or hypothetical outcomes to deter me of living my truth in the present moment.
I also realized living your truth does not have to be confrontational. You can express it in a thoughtful manner. Think about it lovingly. Speak it politely. Live it compassionately.
In the video, Mel Robbins discusses how we are wired to protect ourselves. In other words, the neuroscience of fear. Therefore, once your brain detects your uneasiness about anything, it does all it can to protect you. In that moment, many of us decide not to do something. You know, the big put off. The, “I’ll wait till I'm really ready.” Or my favorite, “Timing is everything. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.”
As of late, I have been denying the hesitation and instead, consciously reminding myself of my truth and why it matters to me. It has been nerve-racking at times, but it has also felt so freeing. And yes, sometimes hesitation still wins.
The short of it, my relationship with my ex-wife is blossoming into something beautiful, my career is moving in a very exciting direction, my interactions with others have improved, but most important, I am focused on accepting my truth….so I can live my truth.
Stay tuned…
Awareness is like learning. It's a movement. From moments of focus to experiences of emotional fluctuation, there is a flow. We may not always agree with the timing of it all, but life is life.
Today, I noticed how I can be an obstacle in my flow. I attach instead of accept. I hold instead of let go. And then I become impatient with everything. But today something happened. Something noticeable. I felt peaceful.
We all have a story unfolding. This story has contained so many twists and turns, beautiful joys and devastating pains, unknowns and lessons learned. But our stories share a common experience - change.
Today, my changes felt like peaceful transitions. And I was grateful.
“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.” ~ Ram Das
We tend to experience life through our desires or expectations or emotions. This leads us to feeling anxious or frustrated or super elated. The thing is, life is life. Life, as complex as it may seem, simply happens. What we decide to label the experience as a result of our preconceptions or judgments is outside of what is.
When we experience joy, we cling to it. When we experience hard times, we dwell on them. And yet, the moments happen(ed), whereas life happens. And life is only ever unfolding in the present. Your now is your life.
Are you sitting in the past? Perhaps you pulled up a chair in the future. Maybe, just maybe, it's time have a seat, right here, right now, in the present moment.
When you open your eyes, are you grateful? Do you give thanks for the opportunity to see what you see? Do you make it a point to see everything for what it is and everyone for who they are?
We can be so easily distracted by our "busy" lives. We can become numb to the familiarity of our surroundings. We can give the past our attention and ignore the present. We can blind ourselves with expectations and miss the moment.
But when you choose to see. When you choose to be grateful for what you see. Life comes alive.
At some point, you need to be honest with yourself. Like really get to the root of what drives you to think and act as you do. No game here. Just you and your truth.
Are your judgments making you angry? Is your compassion filling you with love? Is fear closing you off from others? Is empathy opening yourself up to all of humanity?
Hate can be a language. Love can be a language.
What are you thinking, feeling, speaking? Why? Be honest.....with yourself.
Everybody is being so ignorant. Everybody is yelling at each other. Everybody is missing the point.
Really? Everybody?
Your "everybody" may simply be your narrow access point to humanity. A few co-workers or a neighbor or two or a couple of your friends and family or, of course, those people popping up on your social media. But really? Everybody?
You do realize that you are included in someone else's "everybody."
So, try seeing yourself as everybody. Do you hate you? Do you resent you? Are you ignorant to you? Are you yelling at yourself? Are you missing the point? How you think of and treat others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. What you "expect" or "desire" from "everybody" cannot be realized unless you are truly being all of it.
I offer this cup of coffee to help start an honest conversation with yourself and with others.
Let's Connect!
